robyn – anxious + day by day

I went through a great deal of problems this past week. Every day, I was tested by a number of situations and emotions, and it was difficult for me to stay calm and happy. I felt overwhelmed day by day, mostly because I was helpless and lost. I was recently challenged by problems I’ve never faced before, and these just compounded onto my existing problems of anxiety and bulimia. I wanted to find the solution to these new problems as soon as possible because I was at the brink of breaking down. However, in my pocket of experiences, I had nothing that would aid me in solving those problems. My effort to solve those problems was considerable, but my efforts weren’t really fruitful.

I honestly feel emotionally exhausted now, so I’m taking a break from my world. I deactivated my Facebook, deleted other social media apps, and shut off my phone. I’m currently listening to the Christian Contemporary Radio on Pandora right now, because listening to music has helped me deal with my anxiety. I feel really anxious right now honestly, and I haven’t been able to control my anxiety for a while now. I guess I never felt a need to, because I always viewed my anxiety to be ephemeral, expecting it to just go away if I just waited for the bad storm to end. I think because now I have someone (Oscar) in my life, it’s time for me to make active efforts to control my flaws and not let them control me. I just feel very lost honestly, but hopefully I’ll be able to become a better me tomorrow that I was today.

  1. My Eating Disorder – What I realized today is that most of my food choices aren’t very healthy and I feel even more guilty after finishing those meals. I plan to change my diet entirely because I need to change my view of food entirely before I attack my habit of purging. I plan to implement exercise in my everyday routine so that I would feel better about myself at the end of the day. I made a “Food Diary” when I was receiving psychological treatment at my university, and I think it’s time to continue it so I can log my day and see how I’m improving day by day.
  2. Anxiety – I feel like every individual has his/her own dose of anxiety, but everyone has his/her own way of dealing with it. I think I just haven’t found mine yet, and I have a feeling I know what mine would be. I just need to keep experimenting and researching for the next week.

Wish me luck


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